Why WW isn't working for me.
I haven't posted in ages. Not because I'm not cooking delicious, nutritious food. Nor is it from lack of energy or ideas. My problem is the WeightWatchers. This is the second time I've tried weightwatching, and sure it works, but it's so unbelievably dull. I don't want to count up every ounce of every ingredient I use, I can still keep it healthy without doing so.
When i was younger I was a bit thicker than my friends, without being unnatural at all. My friends were all from arabic cultures and I just happened to hang with the ones that couldn't gain a pound if their life was hanging on it, which the school nurse sometimes thought and had big crisis meetings with them. Problem was that they ate more than anyone else, they just didn't gain. When I was ten I moved to a posh part of town and apparences was everything there. Still the problem wasn't that I was bigger than anyone because I wasn't, I just couldn't afford the clothes or the toys. I still got friends.
I don't know when it sneaked up on me, maybe I was 11 or 12 but my mum started commenting on it on both me and my sister. School had these weighins every year and I was always the one weighing the most and it could be a pound at first but it soon rocketed far above the rest.
When I graduated 9th grade I was bigger than normal, I weighed 80 kg, which is about 200 lbs. I went on a language trip to England where the foods maintain of crisps and fried foods, but I still lost 5 kg. I got home happy but I gained it fast enough.
I soon realized that I comforted myself with food, and my home situation wasn't a happy one.
Over the next 4 years I gained almost 20 more kg, and when I left school I was the biggest I'd ever been. A year after that I met Linda and I started WW for the first time. In two months I lost 15 kg and felt great, but as soon as I had emotional problems I binged. So eventually I had to quit weightwatching because I only ate potatoes.
When I moved out of my mums, I had already planned a trip with Linda. I had gained back all those pounds and I was sad because I was going to warm countries where clothes were superfluous.
Needless to say, my confidence through all these years had been on a low.
I was gone for 3 months with Linda. Starting in India and ending in Australia, but the stop in Thailand in between was the most important one. I met a guy, I fell in love and I felt loved. And somehow that just made me live.
When I got home I had lost 15 kg on simply living. Not denying myself anything I'd wanted. I worked for 3 months and lost 5 more kg and went back to Thailand for another turn. Again I lost weight on just excisting.
When I got home that turn in january 2004 I weighed 78kg. Something I hadn't done since I was 16 (7 years earlier). I started working at the postoffice and I was somewhat happy, I got happier and I never thought of what I ate. Suddenly I was 9 kg lighter and beautiful.
This might sound cruel, but that's when I met my boyfriend. I don't want to blame him fro anything, but he was the opposite to what I had become. He was a true coutch potatoe, and suddenly I was back on old habits. The pounds started to gain without my notice. *Damn*
Then my dad died and I fell into a depression and all of a sudden I was bigger than ever. When I woke up out of my daze I thought that maybe WW will work this time, I was eating healthy I just needed to control the alcohol and chips. But as it feels for me is that as long as I focus my life around food I'll never get past food. And denying myself is only making me annoyed. So from now on, I'll post healthy or unhelathy food but that tasty as hell, and no points will be marked, and if I gain back the 10 kg I've lost so far, I guess I'll have to throw in the towel and admit it, I can't control myself, so put on the straight jacket and force feed me.
I just want to say to those out there who've been big for as long as they can remember, and think that life will be hell without all that food they can't eat... well once you've lost enough to enjoy to move around and flirt and dance, life will be about so much more than food. Don't get stuck thinking you're giving up something that defines your life, but understnad you're gaining a million things more to live for.
When i was younger I was a bit thicker than my friends, without being unnatural at all. My friends were all from arabic cultures and I just happened to hang with the ones that couldn't gain a pound if their life was hanging on it, which the school nurse sometimes thought and had big crisis meetings with them. Problem was that they ate more than anyone else, they just didn't gain. When I was ten I moved to a posh part of town and apparences was everything there. Still the problem wasn't that I was bigger than anyone because I wasn't, I just couldn't afford the clothes or the toys. I still got friends.
I don't know when it sneaked up on me, maybe I was 11 or 12 but my mum started commenting on it on both me and my sister. School had these weighins every year and I was always the one weighing the most and it could be a pound at first but it soon rocketed far above the rest.
When I graduated 9th grade I was bigger than normal, I weighed 80 kg, which is about 200 lbs. I went on a language trip to England where the foods maintain of crisps and fried foods, but I still lost 5 kg. I got home happy but I gained it fast enough.
I soon realized that I comforted myself with food, and my home situation wasn't a happy one.
Over the next 4 years I gained almost 20 more kg, and when I left school I was the biggest I'd ever been. A year after that I met Linda and I started WW for the first time. In two months I lost 15 kg and felt great, but as soon as I had emotional problems I binged. So eventually I had to quit weightwatching because I only ate potatoes.
When I moved out of my mums, I had already planned a trip with Linda. I had gained back all those pounds and I was sad because I was going to warm countries where clothes were superfluous.
Needless to say, my confidence through all these years had been on a low.
I was gone for 3 months with Linda. Starting in India and ending in Australia, but the stop in Thailand in between was the most important one. I met a guy, I fell in love and I felt loved. And somehow that just made me live.
When I got home I had lost 15 kg on simply living. Not denying myself anything I'd wanted. I worked for 3 months and lost 5 more kg and went back to Thailand for another turn. Again I lost weight on just excisting.
When I got home that turn in january 2004 I weighed 78kg. Something I hadn't done since I was 16 (7 years earlier). I started working at the postoffice and I was somewhat happy, I got happier and I never thought of what I ate. Suddenly I was 9 kg lighter and beautiful.
This might sound cruel, but that's when I met my boyfriend. I don't want to blame him fro anything, but he was the opposite to what I had become. He was a true coutch potatoe, and suddenly I was back on old habits. The pounds started to gain without my notice. *Damn*
Then my dad died and I fell into a depression and all of a sudden I was bigger than ever. When I woke up out of my daze I thought that maybe WW will work this time, I was eating healthy I just needed to control the alcohol and chips. But as it feels for me is that as long as I focus my life around food I'll never get past food. And denying myself is only making me annoyed. So from now on, I'll post healthy or unhelathy food but that tasty as hell, and no points will be marked, and if I gain back the 10 kg I've lost so far, I guess I'll have to throw in the towel and admit it, I can't control myself, so put on the straight jacket and force feed me.
I just want to say to those out there who've been big for as long as they can remember, and think that life will be hell without all that food they can't eat... well once you've lost enough to enjoy to move around and flirt and dance, life will be about so much more than food. Don't get stuck thinking you're giving up something that defines your life, but understnad you're gaining a million things more to live for.
posted by Lexi at
1:36 PM
1 Comments:
I do understand - keeping track of everything is a pain. I'm pretty good at knowing about how many calories are in what I cook, and I don't even sit down to figure it out until after I've already consumed the meal, lol. I've come to the conclusion that it's nearly impossible to count everything, but, so long as I'm eating lots of fruits and veggies, and not a lot of fatty meats, sugars, processed foods or high-fat dairy, I'm gonna be fine.
I'm glad you've decided to keep with the blog :)
By
Erin Eats, At
11:33 PM
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